A destination that terrifies you - Wait! It gets better

I am currently reading the book Virtually Normal by Andrew Sullivan. I was struck by this analogy to the experience of discovering you are gay as a young person when growing up in a not-so-accepting environment:

“I could no longer hide from the explicit desire… an undeniable and powerful attraction to other boys and men. And of course, with all of this came an exquisite and inextricable sense of exhilaration as well as disgust. It was like getting on a plane for the first time, being exhilarated by its ascent, gazing with wonder out of the window, seeing the clouds bob beneath you, but then suddenly realizing that you are on the wrong flight, going to a destination which terrifies you, surrounded by people who inwardly appall you. And you cannot get off. You are filled with a lurching panic. You are one of them.” (Virtually Normal pg. 10-11)

Unlike so many troubled gay teenagers out there, I grew up in a very accepting environment. My family is not Catholic but rather liberal Methodist. But even for me, I recognize this feeling that Sullivan describes here. Even if you know the people around you will be accepting of you, there is still this feeling that comes over you when you begin to discover that you are different. The panic comes over you when you start realizing what this means. My life is going to be very different than what I thought, what my family and friends expect, and what society considers normal. And as you begin to accept it within, the overwhelming implications dawn on you: How will I tell people? Will I be alone? Will people judge me or persecute me? It’s very scary. I imagine it is much scarier when you live in an environment that is not accepting.

As I write these things, I am thinking of the current “It gets better” campaign. There is really no way to avoid the pain that comes with realizing you are gay unless you’re really lucky and somehow it doesn’t affect you. You just have to trust that it really does get better. How? You will be surprised by how well you face each obstacle. And once you’re past one obstacle, you will be stronger and wiser and better able to overcome the next. The panic and fear subsides. At first you feel alone, like there is no one to confide in. But later on you make contacts with people who you can relate to and who have lots of great advice and who bring happiness into your life. 

-SCOUT